May 29, 2017

When we brought Kai home, the tiny little thing was sleeping the entire day in her first week. All we had to do was wake her up every two hours to feed, change her nappy when it’s soiled or full. You see, I knew having a baby means being sleep deprived most of the time. What I didn’t know is how difficult and exhausting it can be trying so hard to get at least 2 to 3 hours of uninterrupted sleep which is so impossible for me. When the baby sleeps I wonder if she’s breathing so I’ll watch her breathe or when she makes the slightest sound I wake up instantly, I couldn’t have a deep sleep.  Sometimes you just have to accept that you will not get any sleep whenever you want and you’re forced to sleep even when you don’t wanna. (Nighttime binge watching, not gonna happen). Every minute counts. Don’t even get me started with growth spurts.

Don’t get me wrong I love my baby haha. I just hope I said goodbye properly to sleep before I gave birth like I should have planned a sleep party where I just sleep all day.  They say it gets better. It does. Well, there are better days. Did I mention I’m breastfeeding, it’s probably why it’s so exhausting for me too. Not only did I cry or made little sobs at times at night, I wailed (no one knows this), I actually wailed haha. Like practically begging my baby, “please baby tulog ka na para makatulog din si mommy please tama na dede” haha. The moment I put my baby down there’s an invisible timer in my head. She’s like a ticking time bomb. I started to believe it’s perfectly normal to feel this way when I spoke to other first-time moms too. The struggle is real. In the end, I always want her to have the best milk, so the show must go on.. every night.

First few weeks of breastfeeding was painful ugh, but they say it shouldn’t be painful if the baby is latched on properly so my baby and I persevered thanks to Google and YouTube videos. It also helped that I have a breast friend it’s called Motherlove nipple cream I use it when my nipple gets sore or is about to. It’s soothing plus you only need to apply a little and it works wonders. No harsh ingredients no need to remove before feeding. The great thing about this is it can also soothe diaper rash. I used it whenever I see little red spots on my baby’s bum and it’s gone after a few days.

Despite the struggles, it’s so fulfilling when your baby looks at you intently while she feeds, or when she’s innocently sleeping in your arms. I cherish these moments because one day i know she will outgrow me.

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