Why I stopped for a while
I want to write about the good things that happened throughout the year. but I can’t bring myself to, not until tonight. I didn’t want to talk about anything. I opened this draft so many times, only to leave it on until I forget about it. This pandemic is such a downer. This Covid19 is really effing hard, and on top of that this effed up gov’t that we have is making us miserable with ECQ MECQ, Modified ECQ, politics, corruption, etc… Ah basta. Que horror. Lol
Anxiety and depression
Yeah, I smile, laugh and get silly whenever I’m with my kids, whenever I’m chatting with friends online, or when I find something funny on Facebook, but in between those times or when I find myself alone when the kids are asleep, anxiety and the constant feeling of sadness creeps in. You could say that that’s depression. I’m not sure. I’m just trying to reflect now. I can’t help but think, what’s the point of all this? It happened a few times and I couldn’t grasp it, with all the things that are going on, it’s more than just being stressed out. It’s mentally exhausting. My mental health during postpartum extended all the way to Covid-19 pandemic.
When I cant sleep
A lot of times, I couldn’t sleep until the next day. This prompted me to get a bottle of melatonin. It worked for me! I remember feeling really sleepy after downing my first tablet. Although I feel like can’t take one every day and really depend on it. Like if sleep is literally a person, I would beg like “sleep, I need you please come to bed now” , wait that doesn’t sound right. lol 😆
Its just one glass, okay two.
Here goes plan B. Red wine takes over. To be honest, I’m not into it red wine. Let me rephrase, I used to. Now I drink two glasses,
every other night, sometimes, and I’ll light up a candle, play beach wave sounds just to create an ambience. Think of a popular scene, a mom drinking wine after a long day. This hits home. 😆 🙄 Kulang nalang ng bathtub. hahaha.
Since the pandemic began (in no particular order)
I watched CLOY. Toppet made Dalgona coffee and baked banana bread. I started watching Ivana’s vlog (she’s such a mood, I like her first few videos, when it wasnt about the views yet), I officially started a business. My cousin passed away. We finally went out on a swimming trip, it was Joaquin’s first time (happened once). I started a new venture, after a month from the launch date, the fire burned down the warehouse where my items are stocked. Ugh!
Joaquin turned one. Kai turned four. I signed up as a Sunlife advisor. Toppet baked revel and ube bar (yes, he bakes). I baked cheesecake. We both got vaccinated. The yaya left unexpectedly, but we were better off without her anyway. I watched Nevertheless. Can you recommend another one for me to watch? Because I rarely do. I reorganized my desk. Bought some stuff on Lazada, Shoppee and Amazon, and no matter how many times you’d think you’d be happy and excited with material things, it still isn’t enough when you can’t even get out of the house.
When we felt that it was safe to go and take a breather, we went to Harbor Square thrice and would drive thru at Jolibee. Our supposedly one-month vacay trip was cancelled this September. I wanted to get a tattoo on my left thigh. Kai plays Roblox and Little Big Planet. She knows how to read now. She started her new YouTube channel. When she had her first 6 subscribers, she did a happy dance, I’m happy for her. Joaquin’s a runner.
Friends losing their loved one. Friends getting Covid19. Friends of friends losing their loved one. Relatives getting Covid19. Acquaintances losing their loved ones. Losing someone, not because of Covid19, but because it was impossible to get access to hospital care.
So how are you holding up?